My Dying Wish?
Don’t worry…be happy.
A few years ago I wrote my first will. Kinda weird to think about dying when you are so busy living (and, in MY opinion, so young!) At the time, I thought that I should write letters to all of those who were important in my life. A few were done but alas… too big of a project!! I mean, it is a great idea of course. You never really know when your time on earth is up. And, you really want to leave those behind with happy thoughts. But truth is, I really can’t sit down long enough to get it done (and those that know me certainly know that!) So… here is letter #1…to all of you…written as I am turning 48…
Ahem…
If I were to die tomorrow, could I say that I was a happy person? The answer would be yes. So, to anyone I may leave out there wondering, I can assure you that I have had so many great friends and awesome experiences in my life that any day is an ok day to die. Do I wanna live forever? Of course I do. I want to keep meeting great people and doing wonderful things. But, since that isn’t possible, I can also assure you that I am fitting in as much as I can right now. Yeah, I can die a happy person.
As far as the living forever thing… guess what? I believe I will. For whether I am just worm food or whether I flit around and watch over (or haunt) all of you, I have been building my immortality since I was born. I believe that we all achieve immortality when we touch the lives of other people. Perhaps it will be something I said or something I did. Perhaps something I have written or a picture I have taken. So many parts of me have become bits and pieces of the personalities of others. Just as so many people have affected who I am. No, we never really die. We live in the hearts, dreams, actions, and personas of the ones we have touched in our lives…forever… Kewl!!!
I would like to try to honor all of those each year who make an impact in my life. Will I be able to keep it up or remember clearly?? Who knows… I surely need a daily journal for all of the things that everyone does to impact my day.
The Girls: Life would be stymied without you lot. You are my comforters, my critiques, and greatest companions. Hil, Pauline, Kelly, PJ, and Amy…you girlies are my best asset. Lord knows how you work to keep me in line!! And, as to my other fabulous girls from Rogue, from the barn, from massage school, and (of course) my teenage wonder kids… you all keep it interesting, fun, and worth venturing out every day! I LOVE my girlfriends!!!
The Boys (oh, ‘scuse me, the MEN): You guys have been a huge part of my realization that I actually DO like a lot about the male psyche. You are there if I ask and a good example of just keeping things simple. Matt, you are my soul brother… and the TNT boys add sparkle to my day anytime I think of them. John and Mark, you’ve also been part of showing me that love is desirable (and not scary at all!) And I am thankful for my support from my Rogue buddies (Steve rocks,) my AMG buddies, my massage buddies (Rick rocks,) and the rest of my hang out guys!
My Family: I am so happy that this past year has brought me even closer to my sisters (Karen and Lisa) who I was estranged from for most of my 23 year marriage. Naturally, I am still the annoyingly bratty little sis but it seems as you have gotten used to the idea again. It is great to visit now and again… both to get to know each other better and to continue the great family that our parents started…Yay for my niece and nephew (Catherine & Harlan) who are our gifts from Russia and carry on our family. To my daughter Crystal… I still struggle with the idea that I need to let you live your life as you see fit. I suppose the constant worry is just one of those “mom” things and maybe it never goes away…just as my constant love for you. As for my own wonderful parents… I miss both of you every day. I owe you everything. I’m working on the “responsible adult” thing…really…
My Pets. Of course, I can’t really thank all of my animals here since they do not read. And yet, I have to say something in the hopes that they will find good care if they are left behind. I can attribute most of my sanity (no comment here) to the fact that I have had horses and dogs (and a few other critters) in my life. They are examples of honesty, loyalty, and lack of vanity. They keep things real.
So there you have it. My letter of sorts. When I first decided to write my letters, it was done with purpose and finality. Now, after the last few years of seeing how each passing year CAN get better, I write with the intent of sharing my happiness. Life is good. And I am grateful and elated that my life is filled with all of you. Peace and love… julia
